Eating out

My family -- family of origin, that is -- loves nothing better than to eat out at a really good restaurant. When we return from a vacation, the stories always revolve around the food and the restaurants rather than the sights. We remember details of meals eaten decades ago. Though we are frugal about some things, we do not look at the price when we order. And certain incidents involving waitstaff have become the stuff of family legend.

For example, there was the waitress at the Queen's Hotel in Stratford, Canada, who whispered "excuse me" in the tiniest little voice you could imagine, every time she set down or removed anything from the table.

Then there was the waiter in the local Chinese restaurant who offered my dad "snake" as an appetizer. After some discussion my amazed dad was led to believe he would be served cross-sectioned slices of a snake that were about 6 inches in diameter. Turned out the waiter was actually mispronouncing the word "snack."

And then there was the waitress in the upscale Italian restaurant right here in town with the exaggerated fake Italian accent. Sure, it's acceptable for a Midwestern American waitperson to roll the R and accent the Ts when saying "ricotta." But the real kicker was when she described a dessert with "Meeshigan chairr-r-r-r-ries." And another dessert: "epple pie." I know I'm not getting the orthography right, but hopefully you get the idea.

Last night we had dinner in the same upscale Italian restaurant. Just the grownups, celebrating my sister's birthday. We had a rockin' good time, with cloth napkins and all. Epple Pie Waitress doesn't work there any more, and the food and service were impeccable. Nevertheless, because it was us, the conversation eventually turned to the topic of Great Waitstaff Goofups.

Sissy regaled us with the time she was waiting on four U-M hockey players in a campus pizza joint. As she pulled her order pad out of her little apron pocket two tampons also flipped out and landed right on the table. That's right, two.

And we had to retell (for the umpteenth time, but it never pales) The Story Of The Greatest Waitstaff Goofup Of All Time. In fact, this one sounds like an urban myth, though Sis and Bro-in-law say it really happened to the brother of someone they know. As the waiter set down the bowl of French Onion soup in front of the customer it became apparent to all that there was a thin string of cheese going from the bowl to the waiter's mouth.

What's your best/worst restaurant story?